Until I Die (One-shot)
by MusicIsMyLife1214000
Summary: Tessa and Jem came to Magnus at his request, to explain the past to the four Shadowhunters we all know and love. But when Will suddenly appears, what will happen? The pain and agony of losing the one you love over and over again.. that is the sacrifice you make when you are immortal. Tessa knows it all too well and she will know it until she dies (MAJOR CLOCKWORK PRINCESS SPOILERS)


**WARNING WARNING WARNING. HUGE CLOCKWORK PRINCESS SPOILERS.**

Tessa rang the doorbell hesitantly as Jem squeezed her hand next to her. "**WHO DARES TO INTERRUPT MY…" **someone shouted from the inside. Tessa winced as the door flung open.

"Tessa…? Jem…? Is that really you?" Tessa looked up to see the familiar cat eyes of Magnus Bane, looking down at her.

"Magnus… can we come in?" Tessa tried not to gape at Magnus' appearance. He was covered in sparkles and glitter, with clothing that clung to his skin and made swishing sounds whenever he moved. "I didn't know you wore pink leather pants in this age," Tessa grinned.

"Please, Tessa dear. It's all the rage in these modern times," Magnus replied, shooting her a wink. "And my, my, Jem Carstairs. It's has been a while, hasn't it?" Magnus asked.

Jem smiled at Magnus. "And we are forever indebted to you. Thank you," Jem said gratefully.

"You are probably the only other Shadowhunter that has thanked me. Besides Alec and…" Magnus stopped himself.

"Will," Tessa finished for him. Tessa felt the familiar aching hole in her heart, the hole that threatened to tear her apart inside. Loneliness and pain washed over her and not for the first time, she wished she was not immortal. She wished she didn't have to see Will grow old without her. She wanted gray streaks in her hair and she wanted to die on her death bed, next to Will.

But she had Jem now. _Her Jem._ Who was no longer a Silent Brother.

Magnus led them silently through the winding corridors of his house and to the living room. Tessa gaped. Herondales, Lightwoods and Fairchilds all gathered together.

"The full circle," Jem said firmly. "I have been wanting to tell you this."

"I miss him so much," Tessa whispered into Jem's chest. Jem's now strong and muscled arm curled around her shoulders.

"Want to introduce us?" a blond asked, standing up. He was beautiful, much like the beauty Will possessed. Sharp and almost untouchable. "I don't want wait any longer," the blond boy said with a hint of impatience in his tone. Much like Will…

"Jace!" a redhead scolded. The same red, fiery hair that belonged to Henry. "Will you shut up!" the redhead pulled the one called Jace down back onto the couch.

"But seriously, it is getting to be too much," another girl said. This girl had inky, black hair with charcoal eyes. Hair that belonged to Will. Will was everywhere, but Tessa tried to be happy. She had Jem now – and that was enough. _But he was going to die, just like Will did._ "Simon wanted to go out today," the girl pouted. "I don't want to spend my time with strangers that have no fashion sense! It's like Clary all over again!"

"Isabelle Lightwood!" another man scolded. Tessa sucked in a breath of air. Dark hair… blue eyes, the colour of violets. It was all too much. Tessa sank down in an armchair, Jem hovering over her protectively.

"This is Tessa Gray and… James Carstairs," Magnus introduced. "Tessa, Jem. This is Jace Herondale," he pointed to the blond boy. "Clarissa Fairchild," Magnus gestured to the redhead. "Alec and Isabelle Lightwood."

Tessa inched closer to the Lightwoods. "My, my," she said, lightly brushing her fingertips against Alec's cheek – who stiffened. "Cecily's hair and eyes. Gabriel's nose. It's all here," Tessa whispered. She turned her eyes to Isabelle, who looked as stiff as a pole. "You have Cecily's lips… and no doubt her sharp wit," Tessa chuckled. Tessa's gray eyes zoomed in onto the ruby pendant at the hollow of Isabelle's throat. She touched it and whispered, "Magnus gave this to Will. Who in turn gave it to Cecily Herondale." She turned to Clarissa.

"Clarissa Fairchild. You who has Henry Branwell's hair."

Finally, Tessa focused on Jace Herondale. "That one has Will's temper and… wit," Magnus pointed out. No doubt he wasn't thinking of the word _wit. _

"I see," Tessa said. Jace was wearing a V-neck and Tessa neared him. She pulled down the neckline of his shirt, to see the scar. "It's there," Tessa said, backing up into Jem. She placed a hand over the place where her clockwork angel used to tick.

"A full circle," Jem agreed.

"Wait, aren't you Brother Zachariah?" Clarissa asked.

Jem smiled. "I am mortal now."

"Will…" Tessa whispered repeatedly. Memories flashed through her mind. The way Will would chase away ducks in their pond. The way Will would read to her at night. Even when he had gray streaks in his hair, he would always be beautiful to her. Tessa sank to the ground, clutching her hair.

Jem kneeled beside her. "Tessa?"

"I'll just lose all of you again," Tessa said. Magnus gave her a sad look before walking closer and helping Tessa up. He crushed her against his chest.

"I know. And it hurts," Magnus whispered.

"Can someone explain what the hell is going on?" Isabelle Lightwood's sharp voice asked. Tessa straightened, dusting off the glitter on her face.

"I visit Magnus occasionally. I am half Shadowhunter and half demon. I am Tessa Herondale."

"That's… impossible," Jace breathed.

Jem ignored him and stepped up. "I used to be an addict to _yin fen_, something that almost killed me. To save my life, I became a Silent Brother, leaving my _parabatai_, Will Herondale. And now, one hundred and thirty years later, we found a cure for… me. And I no longer stayed silent."

"We were born in the Victorian era, and here we stand," Tessa declared. "I was the… wife of William Herondale. And you," she pointed to Jace. "Are one of me."

"Henry Branwell… the creator of Sensors."

"And Portals," Magnus piped in. "Great inventor. And I helped making them!" Magnus said cheerily. Everyone ignored him. Magnus grew serious. "I have asked them to come to explain to you your past. The Angel _and_ devil knows, you need it."

Magnus snapped his fingers and a whiteboard appeared, along with a blue marker. "Blue… Why always blue," Tessa whispered, not loud enough for Jem to hear. But Magnus heard and his gaze softened. Tessa shook her head and took the marker in her hand.

With it, she wrote several names. _William Herondale. Cecily Herondale. Gabriel Lightwood. Gideon Lightwood. Sophie Lightwood. Charlotte Fairchild. Henry Branwell._ And she wrote her own name, right next to William's.

The four Shadowhunters on the couch were silent and Jem took another marker from Magnus. With it, he drew lines connecting the names and families. "You, Jace Herondale, come from the line of Tessa here, and Will," Jem pointed.

"You, Isabelle and Alec Lightwood. I believe you come from Cecily and Gabriel Lightwood," Magnus said.

"And you, Clarissa Fairchild, come from Henry Branwell and Charlotte Fairchild."

"But why does all this matter?" Jace asked, a little coldly. "We do not need to know of our ancestry." Jace shot a cold look to Tessa.

"You will not treat your ancestor this way," Jem said, with all the coldness of a Silent Brother. Tessa put a light hand on his forearm. His dark eyes, flecked with gold eyed Tessa and his gaze immediately softened.

"Your red hair. That star shaped scar. That pendant around your neck. Your mere features," Tessa said, pointing at each Shadowhunter in turn.

"Have you not wondered where they come from?" Tessa asked. "Well, they come from my time."

"When Mortmain…" Magnus started grimly, but he cut himself off.

Tessa launched into her story, of Mortmain and of the Infernal Devices. "Jem became part of the Brotherhood and Will and I got married," Tessa said, her voice quivering. "And when he grew old, I could not do anything but watch him. I myself, looked youthful and the same as I did now. When he died, with one hand clasping mine and another holding Jem's…"

Tessa wiped a tear away from the corner of her eye. "I fled. My children were grown, but I did not want to watch them die as well."

Isabelle's necklace pulsed. Isabelle froze. "Demon," she whispered. But then, a Portal opened in Magnus' living room. Wind roared in the room, whirling around everybody, but Tessa kept a hand with Jem, who clutched it tightly.

"I don't think I look like a demon. I'm much too pretty to be one, don't you think?" a voice said. A voice that Tessa didn't expect to hear for the rest of her life.

Will Herondale stood before her, in all his glory. His blue eyes, his dark hair and his dashing suit. "Tessa? Jem? You… aren't a Silent Brother. And… you… Where the heck is your wedding dress?" Will asked.

He came from their wedding. "William Herondale," Magnus said grimly. "How in the world did you get here?"

"You, of course," Will said. "You sent me here, wherever this place is. And what the heck are you wearing that… Oof!" Will was cut off by Jem and Tessa running to him, sending the three of them crashing to the ground.

But Tessa was conflicted inside. What did this mean for Jem and her? "I did not realize… I must have…" The High Warlock of Brooklyn muttered things to himself and Tessa stood, wiping the tears away from her cheeks.

"Will needs to go back," Tessa said firmly.

"What? Tessa…" Jem said.

"My kids have not been born. Meaning the whole Herondale line will disappear if Will does not return."

"We're going to have kids?" Will breathed. Tessa smiled.

"James and Lucie Herondale. Will, you've been sent a hundred and thirty years into the future."

"That means…" Will froze. "You're immortal. And I have died. And Jem is now… mortal too meaning you've found a cure! Why don't I just bring it back and we can all be together again and…"

"Will, we can't change anything," Tessa said, shaking her head. "It will cause disruption to everything and… Magnus how in the world did you even bring him back."

"I didn't do this," Magnus said. Then Tessa froze.

"On our wedding day," Tessa said, thinking hard. "You disappeared for an hour. When you came back, you were grim and… Oh no, Will."

"What's wrong?" Clarissa asked.

Will looked past Tessa at her. "Right, I am Clary Fray. Or Clarissa Fairchild. Or whatever. This is Jace Light… wait. Ugh!" Clary threw her hands up in exasperation. "Stupid name changes. Alright. I'm Clarissa Fairchild. This is Jace Herondale, Isabelle and Alec Lightwood."

"A Lightwood. Looking so much like me," Will said. "Well that destroys my hope of Cecy not marrying Lightworm."

"Lightworm?" Alec said indignantly. Will laughed.

"Alright! Everybody clear out!" Magnus said. "Leave Will and Tessa here alone. We'll come back later."

Magnus herded the other Shadowhunters out the door and Jem gave the pair one last wistful look. Then Tessa flung her arms around Will, kissing him with all the love she could muster.

"I have lived too long without you," Tessa breathed. Will set her down.

"So it's true. While I age and wither, you stay strong and youthful," Will said sadly. "It's alright though. Everybody wants a pretty wife," Will joked, playing off his sadness.

"It has not been the first time I wanted to die," Tessa said grimly.

Will shook his head. "You can't."

"Can you imagine what it was like for me? Waking up every morning and feeling the empty space beside me? Finding something hilarious but unable to share it with you? Wanting you to be in your old armchair reading to the kids? It's not fair," Tessa said, pounding her fists into Will's strong chest. Tears poured down her cheeks. "I almost forgot your blue eyes. Your laughter. I miss you cursing and muttering Welsh to yourself. Isabelle Lightwood has the pendant you gave Cecily. Alec Lightwood looks like you. Jace Herondale has the same star shaped scar I do. Clarissa looked just like Henry. I just want to live a human life!" Tessa cried.

Will kissed her softly, holding her gaze. "But you have survived until now. You have Jem."

"But he will die in my arms, just like you did. He will grow old and wither but I will have to stay young and watch him die. I fled after you died, not wanting to see my children grow older than me too. I missed you so much. Like a hole in my heart had been ripped open."

Tears leaked onto both their cheeks. "Tess. Look at me," Will whispered. "As I'm reborn into another being, I will forget all of this. But my love for you… never forget it, even if you are several thousand years old. I don't care if you forget our bickering. I don't care if you forget what I look like, sound like or any of that. Do not forget my love. For there is no greater woe than forgetting what it is like to love. I should know." Will smiled wryly.

"I love you Will." Tessa kissed Will one last time, savouring the taste of Will and of London.

"I will always love you Tessa." And with that, wind started to pick up again.

"No… wait," Tessa screamed. Will pressed one last kiss to her lips and he was sucked into another Portal, disappearing back to his own time.

Everybody else bursted back into the room. Jem looked awful, eyes red rimmed. But nothing could compare to Tessa, who felt like her heart had been torn apart all over again. She fell to the ground, onto the place where Will had been standing moments before. Her tears dropped one after another, creating a pool on the floor. "Will…"

Jem crouched down and hugged her. "I'm here."

"But in the end, only I will be left," Tessa whispered.

"But I'm here now." Jem kissed Tessa's cheek and as his heart called for his _parabatai_, and yearned for the woman in his arms, he cried. Agony ripped through Jem and Tessa as they cried for their Will. Magnus, Alec, Isabelle, Jace and Clary could not watch.

Alec pulled Magnus aside. "Soon, I will be like Will Herondale. That was why I had to go to Camille." Alec turned away, wanting to go back to his family. Isabelle, Jace and even Clary, who had comforted him.

"It is all a part of death, Alec. But Will Herondale was not the one who truly suffered in the end. It was the people that missed him."

Magnus walked away stiffly, leaving Alec staring back at him. Alec sprinted to the warlock and embraced him tightly. Magnus froze. "I love you, you idiot," Alec said. Magnus turned so that they were face to face and he kissed him, love pouring out of every cell in his body.

Jace and Clary clasped their hands together in the living room. "That… That will be Simon and me won't it?" Isabelle said in horror, touching the pendant at her throat. Jace and Clary could not respond.

Grief tore at everybody in the room. "The past hurts," Jace said bitingly.

"But it is the only way we'll learn," Clary said, watching Jem and Tessa crying in each others' arms.

* * *

Will stepped out of the Portal, back in London. "There you are!" Cecily shouted. "Thought you left your own wife at the altar! Quickly! You must go!" Cecily shoved him. Will shot Cecily a smile and ran. Ran to Tessa.

And there she was, walking in her golden glory. Tessa shyly smiled at Will as they stood face to face.

They said their vows and Will kissed her, a tear sliding down his face. "Know that I will always love you, even when I am not there," Will whispered.

* * *

_Know that I will always love you, even when I am not there._ The words bounced around in Tessa's head as she straightened.

_I love you, Will,_ Tessa thought. _And I will stay, for you, if not for Jem or anybody. You, William Herondale. I shall stay for you._

_I love you, Tess,_ William's familiar voice said in her head.

_And I you._

**I was hugely saddened over Will's death... But it was inevitable. It was a real ending, though it made me cry. There truly is no point of: _I just wish Tessa could have grown old with Will and died together._ Or _I just wished Tessa could have ended up with Jem or Will or bla bla bla_**

**_Though i do wish Tessa could have truly been with Will and died together in 1937. _**

**_But whatever. _  
**


End file.
